I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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