There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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