You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
