She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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