Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
