He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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