This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
