He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
