So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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