I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
