One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize