my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
