well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
