Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
