i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
