Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
