I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize