Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.

Fav 4 1468 1685
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(512): View more from Texas

I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.

Fav 30 3920 1158
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(304): View more from West Virginia

you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

Fav 21 4973 1030
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(708): View more from Illinois

After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."

Fav 51 7157 1111
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(815): View more from Illinois

Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

Fav 206 46792 4629
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(408): View more from California

Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

Fav 18 5731 1586
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(519): View more from Ontario

he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it

Fav 19 5346 1898
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.

Fav 0 930 526
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(203): View more from Connecticut

ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.

Fav 0 37 11
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