my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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