so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
