Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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