very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize