so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
