but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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