I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
