He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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