You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
