I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
