a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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