ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
