Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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