They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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