There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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