i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
