now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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