The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
