i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
