When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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