His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
