Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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