I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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