We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize