you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
