the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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