the new term for farting is butt boxing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
