If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do herpes really smell.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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