Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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