I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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