there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
