friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize