i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They left me at home... I'm a liability
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
