The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
