Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
