I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
