Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
