Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
