Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
