Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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