No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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