I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
