we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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