One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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