I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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