Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
