My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
