had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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