420 ftw
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you never un-have a 4some
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need to align my fucking chakras
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
