he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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