It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
