Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
