I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
