god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
