is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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