Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
