I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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