Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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