Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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