he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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