2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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