how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
