We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
