Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize