he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
