Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
