i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
