I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
