i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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