Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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