well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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