I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
