You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
