sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
