dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
