There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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