shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
